Zero Punctuation: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
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Stumble ThisThis week Zero Punctuation pushes around hapless Stormtroopers in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.
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I'm imagining George Lucas with a coloring book.
Ahhh, fun times... fun times.
Sure picking up stormtroopers and throwing them off a ledge is entertaining. And zapping everybody (who isn't immune) with force lightning is great. But anybody in the game can fend off your lightsaber with a metal rod. Seriously, it is reduced to the least important weapon in your arsenal for most of the game. And the special finishing moves are so closely tied to a "Simon Says" type button hunt that you aren't able to watch the cool animation.
For some reason I felt compelled to finish it (on the normal difficulty setting, not the hard or impossible settings for sadists). Perhaps it was because of that small and blackened place in my heart I still hold for Star Wars. But I really didn't enjoy the game. It will go on my shelf and never be opened again.
Nice review as usual, but I really wish he'd done the PS3 and Xbox360 version. The game royally sucks. It is an incredibly difficult button-masher, where all the bosses have to be invulnerable to 7/8ths of your attacks because you're so overpowered. And when an enemy knocks you down, which is often, you are unable to move and vulnerable for several seconds. Talk about frustrating.
Yeah, the PS3 version is not that great. I haven't finished it yet, largely because Disgaea DS came out, but I am constantly irritated by the massive delay in between when Starkiller gets knocked over and when he can move again. He has to fall on his ass, rest for a moment, get back up, dust himself off (almost literally; there's a short gap in between when he's standing and when you can move him again), and then he's good to go. Naturally, the enemy AI (at least on Hard) knows exactly how long it takes Starkiller to get up, and just about every action has a delay before it actually executes, so there's a 50% chance that you will be seriously injured or killed after any random enemy manages to knock you down.
So it's not altogether horrible, but it's just a little disappointing. Yes, Starkiller has crazy force powers that can throw Tie Fighters around like popcorn, destroy reinforced titanium doors, and electrocute everything within a fifty foot radius. However, it's really annoying that he neglected more utilitarian force powers like force jump or at the very least force get-your-ass-up-off-the-floor. And having the lightsaber be about as useful as a letter opener is just insulting. The thing does crap for damage, leaves you wide open to attack, and makes you wish after a few minutes that Starkiller would just say "to hell with all this Jedi crap" and pick up a damn blaster.
Tie Fighter is probably the best ever made.
I thought Jedi Knight Academy was entertaining.
I bought Star Wars: Galaxies, but I should've known that combining the sadomasochists who developed EQ and George Fucking Lucas was never going to produce a game that people might actually enjoy playing.
They didn't really give me much reason to think Star Wars: Force Unleashed would be any better, despite the breathless hype. Based on the reviews, I think I'm perfectly okay with missing out on it.
Yahtzee's gonna be busy in the next few weeks, what with Little Big Planet, Fable 2, Gears 2, Fallout 3, Resistance 2, Wrath of the Lich King all coming out in the next 5-6 weeks.
But I'm much more looking forward to Fallout 3 on Oct 28th.
fun analogy = upvote
So I avoided any version with a 10' pole. LS hasnt' put out anything but shit in a long time and even before that it was just mildly smelly poop. There was a time when their games were amongst the best it feels like that was decades ago, and it practically was.
This is why I hope and pray that Bioware doesn't let LS get to involved in making their KotOR MMOG. Because even LS admits they make shitty games based on a license alone and because they don't have an innovative or interesting bone left.. and they said this days before this game came out, which meant they were virtually holding up a sign that read
'Force Unleash sucks.. sorry if you all had your hopes up. Fair warning and all that.'
>> ^MaxWilder:
Nice review as usual, but I really wish he'd done the PS3 and Xbox360 version. The game royally sucks. It is an incredibly difficult button-masher, where all the bosses have to be invulnerable to 7/8ths of your attacks because you're so overpowered. And when an enemy knocks you down, which is often, you are unable to move and vulnerable for several seconds. Talk about frustrating!
Sure picking up stormtroopers and throwing them off a ledge is entertaining. And zapping everybody (who isn't immune) with force lightning is great. But anybody in the game can fend off your lightsaber with a metal rod. Seriously, it is reduced to the least important weapon in your arsenal for most of the game. And the special finishing moves are so closely tied to a "Simon Says" type button hunt that you aren't able to watch the cool animation.
For some reason I felt compelled to finish it (on the normal difficulty setting, not the hard or impossible settings for sadists). Perhaps it was because of that small and blackened place in my heart I still hold for Star Wars. But I really didn't enjoy the game. It will go on my shelf and never be opened again.
But you have to prefer the more negative reviews - they're usually much more amusing.