Guys Succeed in Making a Palace Guard Laugh

submitted by lucky760
1 decade 5 years 6 months 1 week ago

36 Comments

AeroMechanicalsays...

You have to wonder if the guards are selected for their ability to perform the duties of a guard or their ability to stand steadfastly ignoring anything and everything around them. I don't think that's a very guard-like trait. At the very least they could, you know, turn their head and have a look around sometime to see what's going on, what with the situational awareness and all that.

Also, I wonder what they think about when they stand there. I would guess boobs, but then that's just me.

calvadossays...

I've done ceremonial guard duties for a bunch of summers (it's not a full-time thing, it's an occasional duty performed by (usually) reserve infantry soldiers), and mostly the things the tourists do to try and make you crack a smile just aren't funny. Them sticking out their tongues and waggling their fingers just isn't. You're standing there all sweaty, broiling in the sun, and your feet ache and you're just looking straight to your front and shifting your weight infinitesimally (enough to bring your dogs some relief, not enough for it to be noticed). And so on. The only time some dudes came close (and they weren't even trying) was when they started talking amongst themselves about the Imodium commercial with the palace guard in it, all yukking it up. I was about to infinitesimally bite the tip of my tongue to keep from joining them but they walked off and took their good times with them.

Once, though, a mosquito landed on my face just below the eye and started chowing down. I was still standing there like a wax statue but inside I was feverishly trying to think what I could do about it, which didn't take long as there were precious few movements I was allowed to make and I quickly concluded that there was nothing I could legally do which would have the slightest chance of dislodging it. After a full minute it could gorge no more and bumbled away; the bump swelled up as big around as a quarter and 3/8" high (and itched like a bitch of course).

On a more serious note, some female soldiers standing guard have reported getting groped by spectators in recent years. The first time or two that it happened there wasn't even a contingency plan in place because the higher-ups had doubted that anybody would do such a thing (that, and the guards are supposed to be watched by Mounties and/or commissionaires whose job it is to intervene).

*military

lucky760says...

On a more serious note, some female soldiers standing guard have reported getting groped by spectators in recent years. The first time or two that it happened there wasn't even a contingency plan in place

Okay, that was the first time or two, but what about after that? Is there a contingency plan now??? Come on man; finish your story! I'm on the edge of my seat here!

calvadossays...

Perhaps I should answer some of the questions or comments while I'm here:

@Oblyvious: many guards in the British tradition do wear the tall black hat, typically called a bearskin (and made of bear fur), as part of their uniform. I'm not sure what this guy is doing, although he actually seems not to be a palace guard (not guarding Buckingham Palace at least).

@MINK: I don't think you meant to say that a soldier on ceremonial guard duties is necessarily soft / not hardcore, so I'll use your comment as a springboard to a wider audience, since there are not a few people who tend to imagine that if a soldier is on ceremonial duties then that is all he does and is all he's good for. Again I'm not sure how the Brits do it (I reckon they use full-time troops and would guess that they rotate into / out of ceremonial duties) but in our case we reservists have the option of doing ceremonial duties during the summer (it's a big guaranteed chunk of money, esp. for those soldiers who are also students), while the rest of the year we're training with our usual reserve units practicing infantry shit. I know plenty of guys who have volunteered to do ceremonial duties one summer and then the next they were (again voluntarily) doing work-up training for deployment and the summer after that they were (voluntarily) on mission in Afghanistan. All this to point up the fact that soldiers doing ceremonial taskings are every inch "real" soldiers.

@AeroMech: I'm guessing that was tongue-in-cheek but ceremonial guards are exactly that -- ceremonial, there for the sake of tradition and pomp, as well as (it must be said) for the delight of the tourists. Going back a few hundred years when this sort of guard posting was for reals, when the guards actually had live ammo and were actually there to seriously guard some dudes, perhaps the guards were allowed to look around periodically. In any event they would have been able to walk a beat, during which they'd be able to see everything around them (the guard who's on the move in this video is walking a beat).

Also, yes, bewbs. Sex. ("Sex you've had or sex you haven't?" -- both.) Tourists are a chatty lot so you can listen in on their prattling if there's a bunch of them around. You people-watch, too (and girl-watch) if they happen to be around the center of your field of view.

@Shepppard: not fired, but extra duties if his superiors found out about it -- which, since it's on the you tubes, they probably did

calvadossays...

>> ^lucky760:
On a more serious note, some female soldiers standing guard have reported getting groped by spectators in recent years. The first time or two that it happened there wasn't even a contingency plan in place
Okay, that was the first time or two, but what about after that? Is there a contingency plan now??? Come on man; finish your story! I'm on the edge of my seat here!



Well I don't want to give too much inside information on this (I wondered whether to mention the groping thing at all, in case it gave some shitbird out there the wrong kind of idea). I'll say this, though, I've known my share of soldiers of the female persuasion who would instantly smash buddy in the jaw with their rifle butt for a stunt like that, and good on them.

MaxWildersays...

Wow, I thought the one thing you were absolutely not allowed to do to ceremonial guards was touch them. I've heard stories about guards suddenly springing to life and putting a serious beatdown on tourists who touch. Not sure where those stories came from, but that seems like a perfectly reasonable policy to me.

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