Recent Comments by handmethekeysyou

Two atoms walk out of a bar. One turns to other and says, "Wait, we have to go back. I left one of my electrons on the stool." The other says, "Are you sure?" He says, "Yeah, I'm positive."

written by handmethekeysyou | 5 days 14 hours 24 minutes ago | CH

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Father Separated From Child By Train Door

This actually happened to my aunt when she was 5. She stayed on the subway when my grandfather got off. He ran to the next station and beat the train. This was in the 50s.

written by handmethekeysyou | 1 week 2 days ago | CH

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This guy has more upper body strength than you

I recommend smoking while watching this.

written by handmethekeysyou | 1 week 2 days ago | CH

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Happy Lil' Elk Frolics in a Pond

Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water. BAM! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?!

written by handmethekeysyou | 1 week 6 days ago | CH

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5,000 volts is enough to crush a soda can

Watch 2:20 - 2:32

I just saved you 2:37. You're welcome.

The reason I didn't like this video is that he utters magical internet video words, "Here we are with a new 5,000 volt power supply...This thing has actually never been tested." But everything goes OK.

written by handmethekeysyou | 3 weeks 3 days ago | CH

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Constantly Snoring French Bulldog

Best $1,000 they ever spent.

written by handmethekeysyou | 3 weeks 4 days ago | CH

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900 lb Pumpkin Drop!

Watch 1:49 - 1:54
Then watch 2:32 - 2:36

I just saved you 3:03 of your life. You're welcome.

written by handmethekeysyou | 3 weeks 4 days ago | CH

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Congressman Alan Grayson Lists Number Of Dead Per District

Ohio districts 6, 9, 10, 11, 13, Oklahoma district 2, good fucking job.

Also, anyone feel that watching congress is like watching a 10 year old boys' club, where they're just making shit up as they go along but pretending like it's legitimate?

"The chair has not yet conferred recognition for that demand. Accordingly, there being no question pending before the house, the chair declares the house in recess, subject to the call of the chair, pursuant to clause 12A of rule 1."

He says it with pseudo-authority and looks around in a way like he's really hoping nobody calls him on having just made up the clause, the rule, and basically this entire branch of the government.

written by handmethekeysyou | 3 weeks 4 days ago | CH

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Fans Support Comedian Jimmy Carr Over Troop Joke

I'm more offended by the reporter's use of "shot himself in the foot" in this video. Carr at least was funny, not just relying on horribly clichéd tripe that seems appropriate to this hack of a reporter, but really has no place anywhere.

written by handmethekeysyou | 3 weeks 6 days ago | CH

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