As the codeine cough syrup slowly weaves its magic spell over my diseased respiratory tract and tired cerebrum, I thought I'd end the debate once and for all over why Americans are hated by Europeans and the rest of the world. It is because of this:


Yes, it is real.

Now I enjoy bacon just as much as your average human carnivore not beholden to religious dietary restrictions, but do I REALLY need to explain why this saddens, irritates, and appalls me all at the same time? Does nothing in the world disgust you more than seeing wretched, decadent, and plain idiotic American excess like strips of fatty swine flesh turned into a gourmet item/book of the month club? And look, they even throw in a tacky t-shirt AND pig nose! After I stumbled across this club even I felt like burning an American flag.

In the dying days of the Roman Empire there were still plenty of wines to drink, slaves to be bought and sold, and orgies to attend. They (the patricians) still lived large while the so-called "barbarians" were shitting in the woods and sharpening their axes, just waiting for the right moment. However the Romans at least left us the Coliseum and some aqueducts that still function to this day. I just hope the tombstone for the American Empire isn't made from congealed bacon grease.