I was born. I fell down. I built castles in the sand. Then I visited Windsor Safari Park. I went to Secondary school. I failed to shave. After 7 very odd years I left. I went to university. I dropped out. I told everyone I was taking out a year. I went back. I cooked various chickens. I graduated. I'm now looking for work, cash and fulfillment, in whichever order is the most emotionally gratifying.
Incidentally, some people call me Gavin Cowell. Most don't, though. I'm not saying I'll change my name by deed poll or anything, but if someone called out 'everyplatewebreak' in the street I'd wheel round with a crazed look in my eye. I have a sudden and unavoidable urge to confess that I used to paint my nails in school but I think I'll avoid telling you that for now...